


at least i got you in my head

by lesbianxcatra



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Adora/Catra Angst (She-Ra), Almost Kiss, Catra (She-Ra) Needs a Hug, F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Guilt, Lesbian Adora (She-Ra), Lesbian Catra (She-Ra), Lesbian Disaster Adora (She-Ra), Lesbian Disaster Catra (She-Ra), Mutual Pining, Oblivious Adora (She-Ra), POV Catra (She-Ra), Past Adora/Catra (She-Ra), Pining, Pre-Canon, Yearning, basically just catra being super emo, someone please help catra
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-27
Updated: 2020-10-27
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:15:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,710
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27231862
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lesbianxcatra/pseuds/lesbianxcatra
Summary: All Catra wants to do is kiss Adora, it's the only thing on her mindie: someone let me know if you think Catradora kissed pre-canon
Relationships: Adora/Catra (She-Ra)
Comments: 12
Kudos: 102





	at least i got you in my head

**Author's Note:**

> I was pondering if Catradora had ever kissed before, people on twitter replied with their theories and then my heart hurt
> 
> so here is Catra yearning
> 
> lmk if you have kissing theories and I will write them, i love them
> 
> title from Sleepover by Hayley Kiyoko

Catra and Adora had always spent time alone away from the other cadets when they were in the Horde. They had secret spots all over the Fright Zone that they would run off to on a daily basis. Sometimes the pressure of training or harsh words spewed by Shadow Weaver became overwhelming, but they never wanted to be alone. They just wanted to be with each other.

Catra would _pretend_ she wanted to be alone, she even would have herself fooled in the moment, but Adora would show up like she always did. Making Catra realize she did sometimes need alone time, but most of the time she just needed Adora.

All of the cadets had finished an intense training session, Catra was lying flat on her back in her sports bra on the tiled floor, trying to cool herself down. Lonnie was kneeled over next to her panting, they were all speechless from their utter exhaustion.

Adora waltzed in the room after everyone else, her cheeks were flushed but she seemed fine on the outside, she even had put her jacket back on over her white long-sleeved shirt. “Great job today guys.” She beamed.

“That was intense.” Lonnie gasped as she tried to catch her breath.

“Adora, how are you not dying?” Catra said through her heavy breathing. She was in awe that after hours of training and fighting that she was standing tall as if the last three hours hadn’t happened

Adora plopped herself down next to Catra on the floor, she turned on her side and slid her arm over Catra’s exposed stomach. “I don’t know, I just feel good.” Adora sighed.

Catra could hear everyone else talking in the locker room, but could only pay attention to Adora’s arm draped over her. She could feel her breath near her face and neck, and her fingers gently placed on Catra’s side. She never knew if Adora was consciously trailing her fingers over Catra’s bare skin, her nails smoothly running over her in circles. It was something she did a lot, maybe Adora was aware of it at first, now maybe it was a reflex. 

“Catra?” Adora whispered in her ear, promptly shifting Catra out of her trance. “Want to get out of here?”

Adora grabbed Catra’s hand to help pull her off of the floor, she dragged her out of the room before she had a chance to put her clothes back on her body. “Don’t worry about your shirt, you’re hot.” As the words escaped Adora’s mouth she stopped in her tracks, “I mean, sweaty, hot from, the training, obviously.”

Catra rolled her eyes and focused on hiding her smile as Adora pulled her through the halls. She kept her eyes on their intertwined hands as they were walking, kept her eyes focused on the tightness of the grip, on the back of Adora’s neck that was still flushed from training.

Adora shoved Catra into a closet, causing her to fall back onto some boxes before she could find her balance. “Adora, what the hell?” They had been to many places to sneak off alone, but they had never been in a closet. 

Catra noticed the weight of Adora’s stare that seemed to be on her chest, she looked up and locked eyes with her, longing to see if she was misreading what was happening or if Adora was really looking at her _like that_. 

“I’m just really happy right now.” Adora smiled, she grabbed Catra’s hand again and pulled her close so that their foreheads were touching. 

Catra’s breath hitched as they came together, she had no idea where to place her hands, she tried to keep her free one still at her side. She felt her body start to heat from Adora being so close to her, she could feel her breath on her face again, she was close enough to wrap her hands around the back of the neck and pull her in. She could grab her waist and touch her hair and run her fingers on her back. But she kept her hand frozen in place.

“They told me they could tell I was a great leader, they said I did really great today.”

Catra tried to keep herself focused enough on what Adora was saying, but her mind was focused on everything else. Catra could just kiss her, if she wanted to. She could kiss her and see what would happen, if she would pull away or laugh, if she would grab her and reciprocate and not let go. If she would bring her eyes back to Catra’s chest in her sports bra and move the kiss down to her neck and collarbones.

“Are you listening?” Adora laughed and pulled away to look at Catra’s face.

“Yeah,” Catra lied, “I’m just tired from training.”

“You did great.” Adora squeezed her hand as she sat down on a random piece of equipment.

“Why are we in a closet?” Catra asked, it came off nervously even as she tried to play it cool. She didn’t want Adora to know all of the times she pictured whisking her away into one. Just turning off the lights and bringing her up against a wall. The way she wanted to run her hands over her face and pull off her shirt. She wanted it to be slow even though she was so eager, to finally just touch her and know every part of her body. But she couldn’t, and she knew that, even if it was slowly killing her.

“I just wanted to be alone.” Adora said, like she hadn’t given it a second thought. Catra knew that, knew she didn’t think about it like she did. She knew that being that close and being this alone didn’t make Adora’s mind spin like it did hers. She just wanted to kiss her, just one time, to see what it would be like. To see if everything would fall into place after, if Adora would kiss her back and figure things out with her.

Catra had thought about it, being in a relationship. They had no good role models for something like that, so she barely knew what that would entail. She had tried to consider it with other people, only to get her mind off of Adora. Adora was the favorite, was the one everyone wanted. She knew she would only drag her down if they were together, that she would only distract her. 

So she tried to force herself to find someone else, but it never worked. She would consider it for a split second, and then her mind would trail back. Back to the times Catra would shift from the end of the bed up to the top, so they were slightly touching as they slept, she would sometimes wake up to Adora holding her hand in her sleep. Every time that would happen, the rest of the day Catra’s hand felt like it was burning where Adora had last touched her. The feeling of being that close as they slept, always wanting to fully wrap herself around her.

“That’s amazing, Adora.” Catra said as she tried to keep her eyes off Adora’s flushed face. Recently it had become more challenging to keep her mind on track, separating her want for Adora from her platonic friendship with her. It felt like every time they were alone Catra could do nothing but ache for her lips to be on her in any way possible.

“I’m excited for the both of us,” Adora grinned, “We are finally making our way up the ladder here.”

Catra wanted to kiss her so desperately, she was so incredibly proud of her. She watched the way Adora’s work ethic swiftly brought her to the top of the ranks. She didn’t mind being second best to her, it didn’t matter when Adora was that content. She had earned it. She knew she wanted Adora to make the first move, to send her validation through her actions and let her know that she wasn’t insane for feeling this way, that Adora felt the same longing as she did.

She sat herself down next to the junk Adora was sitting on and leaned her head down on her shoulder. The feeling of heat from the long training was quickly fading into shivers, making her start to shake.

“Are you cold?” Adora said as she wrapped her arms around Catra bringing her into a side hug. “Sorry I dragged you out without letting you get dressed, I was just really eager to let you know.”

Catra didn’t mind being cold, especially with Adora’s warmth wrapped around her, also the fact that she was almost half naked at the same time didn’t hurt. Maybe Adora would stare down at her chest again, which was so close to being exposed, so she could evaluate if the first incident was an accident or not.

As Adora’s arms were around her she had begun doing the same thing as earlier, trailing her nails softly around Catra’s skin, it was both the most calming thing and terrifying thing at the same time.

Catra had never kissed anyone, she had only heard other cadets gossip about it around the Fright Zone. But she imagined this is what the build up would be like, feeling elated and nervous, a soft unspoken moment between two people where all you want is to complete each other.

Adora pulled away from the hug making Catra’s heart sink, she resented how instantly her mood would drop when they were no longer in contact.

But instead, Adora shifted herself so they were facing each other head on. Catra’s expression turned to one of confusion as Adora reached her hand out to place it on Catra’s cheek. She reached up to touch her hand out of reflex, holding it gently there so she wouldn’t pull away again.

“Catra.” Adora sighed under her breath.

Catra felt her heartbeat pick up as she flickered her gaze back and forth between her lips and her eyes. If there was any moment for something perfect to happen, it would be this. A long day ending in something beautiful, a cheerful Adora wanting to share her accomplishments with Catra by bringing her to her lips. Gently closing the gap between the two of them so they could be touching even more.

As Adora started to lean in, Catra felt her body go numb, this would be everything she had wanted for years. To kiss the smile off of her face and change it into lust and need, to help her celebrate a win by exploring around her body and consuming every inch of her. Just to have her. That’s all she ever craved, not making it to the top or proving herself, but just to satisfy the ache in her heart by being fully together.

Catra didn’t know how to do this slowly, how to not be eager or greedy and move too fast to get more. She tried to keep her composure, there was no way this was actually happening. Soon she’d wake up from a dream that would be on her mind for years to come, there was no plausible way that Adora could feel the same to her, there was no way she wanted to kiss her as badly as she did.

But Adora brought their lips close so that if either of them leaned in any more they would be kissing, their lips brushed against each other. Catra wanted to pull away to ease the nerves building up in her stomach, she feared this wouldn’t be perfect enough for Adora. Maybe Catra would be bad at kissing, and Adora would decide that she wasn’t worth it based on that alone.

“Adora…” Catra started but Adora softly shushed her to be quiet.

“Catra, I want-”

The door handle to the closet started to turn, causing both of the girls to fly away from each other as a guard walked in the room. He stared at Catra and Adora who sat now a couple feet away from each other. Without saying a word he grabbed a mop from the corner and walked out, leaving the door open.

Both of the girls started to laugh until they started to lose their breath. When the moment subsided, Catra felt her heart start to ache as her friend’s face flushed with joy. She wanted to crawl back over, pick up where they left off. She didn’t care if someone would walk in again, she would barricade the door with the lousy equipment and other things she could find. She could still feel the faint presence of Adora’s hand on her face and the closeness of her mouth.

“We should probably go back out.” Adora smiled and stood up to help Catra back onto her feet.

Catra felt the disappointment hit her body with full force, it felt like a punch to the gut. She averted her eyes from Adora’s in hopes to hide the frustration spreading across her face.

Before they walked out, Catra decided to look back up at Adora’s face, in hopes that in that last split second Adora would change her mind. Her mind was spinning as she tried to think of an explanation for what had just happened.

Adora had said _I want_ , she must have meant something by that. Maybe she wanted to go get food or steal some snacks, or to go shower since they were both starting to get visibly uncomfortable from the sweat on their bodies turning cold in the air conditioning.

Or maybe she wanted what Catra wanted. Wanted to pull the rest of their clothes off, not just kiss each other's lips but to travel down across the rest of each other. Hands intertwined again as Adora moved herself down between Catra’s thighs to have her, what Catra had longed for this whole time. Not just in a way to get herself off or to experience something intimate like that for any selfish reason, but to show Adora she loved her through her movements all over her. Or maybe it was selfish, which is what kept her away. Adora didn’t want her like that, or she would have closed the gap between them again. She would have picked her up and pressed their bodies together.

But when she glanced back up at Adora’s face, her cheeks were still rosy. Catra hadn’t seen that kind of look on her face before. The intensity in her eyes, she had them pointed back down to Catra’s chest where her cleavage was starting to spill out over her sports bra. Proving Catra’s point from before that it wasn’t an accident.

Maybe she literally meant she wanted _her_ , the same way Catra did. Maybe it wasn’t a coincidence, maybe it meant something. But she knew before she went to bed that night she would talk herself out of it, that she had made it up in her mind and that she had completely misread the situation.

This was something that happened before, every time she would convince herself that it hadn’t happened. Because it couldn’t happen, they couldn’t be together like that. Adora didn’t want her, not in the same way.

Adora leaned in again, this time without warning. She brought her hand back to the same place before on Catra's face, but Catra pulled away.

She couldn’t have her, she didn’t want to confuse her, didn’t want to ruin the close friendship that they had. This wasn’t something she could have. She knew that.

“You’re right, let’s go back out.”

She walked out of the closet, purposefully not grabbing Adora’s hands as she sprinted away.

“Catra!” She heard Adora giggle as she ran after her.

It eased Catra’s heart to feel her friend grab her from behind in a quick hug before they continued their way back to the locker room.

Catra knew she would continue teasing Adora about their close intimacy, it was the only way she could pretend that it was just a joke and it didn’t mean anything. It was easier to laugh about it, because if she didn’t laugh about it, she would cry.

She knew she wouldn’t be able to stop crying.

**Author's Note:**

> follow me on twitter :) @catrashands


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